I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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