That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
