very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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