true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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