I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
