Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
