Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
