and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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