I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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