If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
