i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
