I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
