OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
