would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
