i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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