My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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