I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
