He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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