i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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