just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
