Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize