my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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