just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
