I can text with my tongue
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
