So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
