i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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