Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
