If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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