Where are you?
In a non slutty way
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
