I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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