I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
