I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we're so committed to being not committed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
