Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize