Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
