we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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