I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is my gift to your gina
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
