OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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