hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Even my vagina gasped.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize