ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
