just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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