mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize