hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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