idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
