So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How does one acquire holy water?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
