Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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