I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
