drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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