I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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