I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Houston, we have a blender
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
