One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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