She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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