You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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