Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this just has baby written all over it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
