literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
