By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
