he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
