he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
