I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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