please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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