There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
