i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
