OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
