it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
