What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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