If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You need Xanax blowdarts
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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