she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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