We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
