I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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