just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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