so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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