I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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