If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
