A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
